it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
