She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The Olympian is in my bed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
