ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
