I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
