Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
