I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
