Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
