Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize