he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
