have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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