Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
