haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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