One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
