the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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