Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
