don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
