I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
