i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
