I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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