guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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