My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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