i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
