Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
