And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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