My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
