If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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