Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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