dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
