I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
