i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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