I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
