the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize