i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
