overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
