Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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