My room smells like vodka and shame
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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