he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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