Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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