my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Your cock deserves a montage
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
