For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
not ubering you a puppy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
