guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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