can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
even my farts smell like vagina
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
