Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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