peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
