Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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