dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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