Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
