I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
