I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize