4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
