how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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