i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
