I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
