By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
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