I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
