then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
