i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
