Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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