If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
