3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
