I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
