Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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