If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
