Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
