Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
