i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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