So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we made out on top of his cat.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
