her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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