She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
