So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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