It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
