My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
