I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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