College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
