Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
