He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The power of my boobs compel you
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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